Hello, world! DC theatre-maker Tia Shearer here with special guest Elizabeth Crabbe (<regal wave>) of Alan Ayckbourn’s “Taking Steps.” I have the ridiculous task of portraying Mrs. Crabbe on stage 4-7 times a week, as if anyone could truly do her justice. (Yes. No, they could not. But thank you.) Elizabeth, what do you think of our production? (I think I come out all wrong. Completely misrepresented. You’re not even a real dancer, are you?) Erm, no. Not at all. (Is there any dancing in your fashion-less past?) One Modern class in college. I literally got an “A” for effort. (Ugh! And where did you find the inspiration for your graceless maneuvers, then?) Well…our assistant director, Ashley Ivy, is actually a great dancer. He showed me some moves and then, um, showed me how to execute them not so well…which came quite naturally, thankfully. (I feel faint.) Also, I found a TV go-go dancer here:
She’s quite well-known in Canada! …Elizabeth? …Lizzie?? (Oh god, I passed out. This is too much. You butcher me, awful woman!) Well…people think you’re funny! (Funny?? Why on earth would I want to be FUNNY I’m not funny!) Elizabeth, tell the people something fun. What animal do you most identify yourself with? (Animal?? Is this some ridiculous little acting school game?) Just answer the question. (Fine. Easy. The most splendid, breath-taking picture of grace in the animal kingdom. The peacock!)
Oh! Uh…you realize that the peacock is male? (Wait, wh-?) Nevermind, nevermind. I feel like a red panda myself.
(Who on earth cares?) Look how different we are! That’s interesting, right? (Darling, I needed no further proof of our differences. I see the horrid way you apply that nail polish pre-show. I saw how hard you had to work to keep yourself upright on those various gorgeous heels costume-goddess Kendra Rai granted you.)
Ah! So you approve of the costumes, at least? (Indubitably.) Anything else? (That lamp in the living room. That god-awful bulbous thing with little baby-heads popping out everywhere.) You like that?? (Good God, no! But it is sadly accurate. Exactly the kind of thing Roly would get me for my birthday. <shudder> You see why I must leave.) So you do leave, then? At the end of the play? (I refuse to answer. I shroud myself in mystery. <exotic hand flourish!> I will say only this: Freedom is worth any price! The price of breaking a man as well as the price of waiting.) …to break him. (Well…yes, I suppose so.)
All right, so! This has been a surely enlightening entry of Tia & Elizabeth’s Interactive Fun Blog! (Wait, what is this I hear? You dare take on another role whilst clumsily portraying moi??) Oh! Well…yes. How did you know? (I have my ways. “Baby theatre,” they call it? As in, dirty nappies and miniature yowling?) For the next week, I will be playing a little girl in a 30-minute, nonverbal piece for ages 0-5 in the morning, and then venturing into The Pines to portray you at night! (You disgrace me.) Yeah, I like you too, Elizabeth. Been fun hanging out with you these past weeks, sassafrass.